Mirror vs. Camera

What is the deal with this? Really?!?! Why is it that when I am getting ready and I look in the mirror at the finished product I think- dang I look pretty good! And then...someone takes a picture of me...or I make them take a picture of me.

You know what happens every single time. I am disgusted.

Really disgusted.

What happened to that girl in the mirror.

O ya that's right- I must have one of those magic mirrors that tells me I look good every day.

Its like when you go to Disneyland or some other large gathering place and you sit and watch the people pass by (BTW that is one of my favorite past times-it makes me feel better about myself) and you think to yourself-I want whatever mirror they're looking into that's telling them they look good. 

The sad, and scary thing is I think I have that mirror!

Lying?

So I gave up soda for 2 whole days and then I decided that it is just too tasty to do without. Yes, I realize that the chemicals in it are bad for me. Yes, I know I could do without the caffeine but there is something so satisfying about that ice cold sip of diet DP/ diet Coke, whichever it may be.

Justin told me he swears I "give up" soda at least 20 times a year and I only last a few days. One time I lasted 3 whole months. I know, crazy right?

Then I had a sip and I was hooked AGAIN!

I really wonder if they are lying to us when they say they don't put actual coke (the drug) in coke (the drink) anymore...

Dear Diet,

Okay so I know its been a while since I posted last. I must be honest with you because this is what this blog is all about. There is no sugar coating or skirting around the cold-hard truth. 

I lost my diet and exercise steam pretty fast.

I think  most all of us do.

Why do you think the diet industry is so huge.

You get this burst of motivation.

You tell yourself you are going to eat only healthy things,

You are going to exercise every single day,

You are going to lose that 50 lbs for that upcoming wedding but at the end of the day most of us

fail.

It is sad but it is the truth.

I did good for the first few days but then that stinking McDonald's started calling my name

and then it was Taco Bell

and then Wendy's...

I think you get the picture.

That darn fast food addiction of mine is pretty powerful.

Why does my disdain for myself not last when a brownie is put in front of me?

Why is that I feel ugly and fat all of the time except for meal times.

I don't get it.

Anyways, 

does this happen to you?

Is this a universal thing?

Someday I may find the willpower that has staying power...

until then...

Comical

Justin and I went to our friends house for dinner tonight. I found myself telling them that there is a chick-fil-a coming soon in a city close by. When our host said he thought it was just okay I exclaimed with such passion, 

"YOU HAVE TO TRY THE POLYNESIAN SAUCE!!!"

How pathetic. I get so excited over my condiments. 

Really I cannot eat fries or chicken strips or nuggets without some good dipping sauce.

I mean have you tried the polynesian sauce from chick-fil-a?

It is sent from heaven. No lie. 

I could probably drink the stuff.

Well actually, now that I think about it, probably not.

But I have no problem dunking every single teensy weensy bite of whatever it is that I'm eating into that wonderful goodness.

When I proclaimed my love of polynesian sauce our hostess laughed.

She laughed because it really is quite comical that I love my food and condiments and drinks so much.

Now if only I knew when that place will be opening...

Pretty Please

Pretty please can I look like this? Not the weird awkward stance and the immodest dress but the slender bod.

Pretty Please?

Justin and I went to see Transformers 3 tonight in the cheap seats and while I thought the movie was awesome all I could do was envy her and wish that somehow, someday I could look anywhere close to this.

Now I know this really will never happen.

My family is just not built like this.

I am not built like this.

I will never ever look like this but I can definitely try to look better.

If only I was rich and famous and could have my own

personal trainer

nutritionist

and chef.

But no I am not rich and famous and am only left up to my own devices and my will power-which I might add fails me quite often.

 A girl can dream can't she...

Darth Vader

I've often wondered why my "drug" of choice has always been food. Where did it begin? Why do I love it so much and why does it make me feel so good?

I reward myself with food.

I sedate myself with food.

I eat when I'm happy.

I eat when I'm sad.

I eat because there is nothing else to do.

I've always wished that I was one of those people that loves to exercise-that every time something good or bad happens they go for a run...

Seems crazy I know but there are actually people that do that.

I guess they get from running what I get from eating.

I love the warm fuzzy feeling that comes with a full belly.

That feeling of pure satisfaction and contentment 

followed by feelings of self-loathing because I can't button my pants.

Most of us know the feeling.

However,

I did go running yesterday and it felt WONDERFUL.

The sore muscles not so much but then again they made me remember that I had actually done something to warrant them.

I would have gone today but I'm supposed to take it slow according to my running plan.

 I will go again tomorrow. 

Little side note:

Last night when I went for a run at the schools indoor track there were two girls walking.

They were taking up all four lanes.

I ran up behind and said excuse me and about scared the pants out of the pregnant one (so glad I didn't make her go into labor)

What I couldn't understand though was how she didn't here me running up behind here. 

I sounded like Darth Vader breathing so heavy.

I am out of shape for sure.

O and just FYI if you taste blood when you run its normal.

I asked my doctor.

Apparently for out of shape people like myself it is our lungs trying to build up.

Anyways I will go running again tomorrow and maybe eventually I can become one of those crazies that 

loves to run.

Someday.

Maybe.

If I'm lucky.

Or I guess if I work hard enough at it.

I need to eat a skinny person...

If only it were that easy. I have envied maybe even despised-who am I kidding I do despise-those people who can eat whatever they darn well please and who never seem to gain a single pound-not one single stinking pound.

Really?!

I would like to know what they did so great in the preexistence that they were blessed with "skinny genes."

While we are on the topic of skinny genes lets talk about the other type of "skinny jeans."

Unless you weigh 80 pounds and have no curves whatsoever you should not wear them

I repeat DO NOT WEAR SKINNY JEANS!!

I mean come on.

From personal experience (only between me and the dressing room mirror I might add) I know that skinny jeans make me look like an upside down triangle.

Not pretty folks. Not pretty at all.

And from observing all those who wear them who aren't 80 pounds with zero curves they look like upside down triangles as well.

Moving on...

So this morning-well really afternoon-when I got ready I looked at all of my beautiful, wonderful clothes I felt sad because there are really only like 3 shirts that fit me right now.

The shirts I got when I went fat girl shopping. 

Remember that?

Well I picked out one of my fat girl shirts... I've been rotating everyday...and got ready.

And in the spirit of yesterdays post I looked in the mirror and named 5 things I liked about myself.

It made me feel better.

You should do it too.

Now you would all be happy to know in an attempt to wear something other than my three fat girl shirts I am leaving shortly to go for a run...

lets be honest

more of a walk/jog type deal

but I am attempting to start a running program even though I know I will end up with horrendous shin splints.

However, I see all of these happy runners who claim to have that "runners high" and peace of mind and I want in on that too.

So here I go, getting off my butt, running shoes on, iPod in hand, off to take the first step towards a new goal.

Love Yourself

Do you ever look back and kick yourself for not appreciating what you once had?

I remember all through high school thinking that I was this huge fat cow and now looking back at pictures I wonder what the heck was wrong with me.

I looked HOT!

Now believe me I am not really a self absorbed person- okay maybe just sometimes- but really I was looking pretty darn good.

And I was too stupid to appreciate it.

I have come to the conclusion that the female race will always be unhappy with themselves.

They will find something that they THINK is wrong with them

and obsess over what all of the other imperfect women are thinking about them.

Women really don't work out, get dressed up, or put on makeup for men...

It's for other women.

We all do it.

We all judge each other.

Why can't we all just accept that no one is perfect and just because someone is carrying around a few extra pounds doesn't mean they are not beautiful, smart, witty, etc.

I get the whole heath thing-yes it is important to do the right things so that you will live a long, happy, healthy life. 

Well you know what-

There is no knowing if I'll get hit by a bus tomorrow so if I want that brownie I'm going to eat it.

I'm not going to eat a brownie three times a day for the rest of life, but if I want one here and there I'm not going to feel guilty about it.

I am going to make important changes. 

I am going to care more about this body I have been given but I am going to stop obsessing.

I am going to start loving myself again.

I am probably never going to attain my high school body-I don't think most of us will-but I can be proud of myself-for the wonderful qualities I do have.

I need to stop comparing myself to others or thinking that people like me less because I am overweight.

I am that same person 50 lbs heavier that I was 50lbs lighter and I think I am pretty awesome.

So there. Taker it or leave it.

And please start loving yourself too!

You are amazing and wonderful!

Sorry to get all deep on you.

Refill Please

So we went to dinner tonight with our friends Sean and Emily.

I kinda felt like throwing a fork at our waitress as shown above to try to get her attention.

I honestly hate when you see your server standing in the back chatting it up with her friends while your soda has been sitting there empty for the past 10 minutes.

Isn't that what shes getting paid for?

I mean I'm not usually a very demanding customer but I do need a drink to be able to enjoy my food.

When she would finally mosey on over and we would ask her to get us refills it would take another 10 minutes for her to bring them back.

Plus she would act annoyed.

I've never been a server so I can't really relate but if you want a tip from me lady you better keep my Diet Coke filled or we're going to have some problems ;)

Just Say No

Justin and I went to see "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" tonight which I have to say was a great movie. 

One of my favorite things about the movies is a large popcorn and diet DP. I am happy to report that I had neither. Just my nails to bit on. Don't worry I didn't eat them-that would be disgusting!

Anyways I figure that I really don't need popcorn and a soda at the movies. 

Its the small changes that matter.

Or that's just what I'm going to keep telling myself because I'd rather be getting thinner like the actors not fatter like the audience.

No one has ever told me that I looked thin and I don't think I ever will be told that. 

I'm just not built like a twig.

I've got lovely lady lumps and bumps and rolls. HA HA.

I would however like to be at a healthy weight.

So for that reason I passed on the buttery goodness and ice cold heaven tonight.

The scale better be good to me in the morning!

Dry Ice on a Tooth Ache?

Remember a few posts ago when I mentioned I had a tooth ache. Well I went to the dentist today. He tapped  on all of the teeth in the general region of the pain and then he decided it would be a good idea to put from dry ice to my teeth. What a great idea. I already have pain so lets just make me jump out of seat. 

After not being able to fully assess what tooth was causing me the problems he did a filling on one of the teeth that "might" be the source of pain. Well now that the numbness is gone it still hurts. Great. Lucky me.

Oh and not to mention I chipped off half of my left bottom molar when I was home. 

I explained to the dentist that it happened while I was eating chips, sunbathing at the beach.

He asked me what kind of chips they were. 

I proceeded to tell him that they were mesquite barbecue kettle chips and that they are absolutely delicious.

He said that chips are the worst for teeth.

I responded with a  ya but have you every tried mesquite barbecue kettle chips? 

They are well worth it. 

Well maybe not because now I need a crown which costs like five bazillion dollars but I'm not blaming it on the chips.

I'm blaming it on my already horrid, decaying teeth.

But seriously if you haven't tried those chips go get some NOW!!!

They are heavenly.

Oops

So today didn't go quiet as planned. 

I realized I forgot to set my alarm last night when I woke up at 11:30 this morning-

maybe it had something to do with the fact that I didn't go to sleep until about 1:30

I met Justin for lunch, went to the library to check out a few books (one of which was entitled Run Your Butt Off-yup I'm actually going to attempt to do just that very thing), and then came home to pick up the apartment.

After all of this excitement I drove an hour and fifteen minutes to pick up my friends from the airport.

As I was sitting there waiting for them I got a call informing me that they had flown over the city and then because of some malfunction turned around and flew back to where they came from...

They then waited for a different plane-which ended up being several different planes...

This leads me to the part of my day that didn't quiet go as planned.

I was by myself, it was dinner time, and I had to wait to hear from them to see when they would get in.

I drove around and didn't see any healthy options for dinner but I did see

FIVE GUYS

Yup I went in.

I usually make fun of the people who are eating alone in places and lo and behold I was the loser eating by myself tonight.

And there was some creepy old guy who stared at me the whole time- maybe he knew I was cheating on my diet!

O well.

I must share my failures as well as my accomplishments.

Today was a failure.

So anyways I left our home at 4:45 tonight and just got back home at 10.

Tomorrow will be better.

I'll remember to set my alarm tonight.

Sweat

Today was much better than yesterday. 

I don't know why it is so hard for me to actually get up the motivation to go to the gym because once I'm there I remember how much I love it.

Exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy! 

-Elle Woods

And we all know I need all the endorphins I can get!

I did 30 minutes on the elliptical, 30 minutes on the stationary bike, 20 minutes walking/jogging the track, and 10 minutes of shooting hoops. 

Not too shabby for my first day back from the couch ;)

However I must say that I really hate the grey shirts we have to wear to the school gym...they show all of my nasty sweat.

Its a darn good thing I'm already married because I definitely wouldn't be picking up any dates with my horrid perspiring body!

It was a darn good thing I went in the morning too because come mid-afternoon the migraine was back in full force-despite my consumption of my cherished diet DP.

Now I sit here with a horrendous tooth ache praying I'll be able to fall asleep and make it to the dentist in the morning.

Hope all of you enjoy your gym time in whatever shirt you desire that hides your sweat.

Someday, Someday...

World's Worst Migraine

I had every intention of working out today. However, this plan was thwarted by the world's worst migraine.

You see I decided that I would quit my beloved diet DP cold turkey. BAD IDEA!!! 

Seriously never do it.

So I went to get a few things from the store tonight- one of which was some of my elixir of life.

I guess I'm going to have to wean myself off.

So I am sad to report that today no sweat inducing workout was done other than doing the dishes in our un-air conditioned apartment. 

We did have a yummy dinner though recipe found here