A Love Affair

As long as I can remember I have had a love affair with food. I LOVE it! The worst part is that I especially love all of the food that is bad for me. As soon as I got my license I started my full-blown addiction to fast food. I would show up to first period with Del Taco, after school I would head to Carl's Jr., after basketball practice maybe I'd swing by McDonald's, and I would do it all over again the next day. Senior year we were supposed to come up with a project that represented something about us. Of course I thought I would do my project on my love of fast food. For 2 weeks prior to the presentation I had friends take pictures of me eating at all of my favorite places. I made a poster will all of the pictures and listed my favorite things at each place. I then served everyone in my class half of a Costco hot dog (one of my absolute favorite things). My teacher was genuinely worried about my health! It was funny. I didn't even think twice about it. I played three sports, I was very active, and I maintained my weight until...college! As soon as I got to school I ate and ate and ate-the same as I had always done but instead of playing three sports and being active I sat on the couch and did homework. The pounds slowly crept on. Then Justin and I got married. Needless to say I am now 60 lbs heavier than I was when I graduated high school and obviously my eating habits have caught up with me. I had high cholesterol when I was 19. Now I take medication for high blood pressure and I am prediabetic. I am constantly tired, I sweat like crazy, and I get completely winded when I walk up the stairs to class. This is sad! I just turned 22 this past Wednesday! 22 year olds are not supposed to have these problems! Last time I had my body fat measured I was 47% fat! That is almost half of me that is fat!!! Now I realize that this is totally unacceptable and I am constantly thinking about the fact that I need to lose weight- the problem is I am a food addict and food does for me what heroin does for drug addicts. It makes me feel happy and content only to leave me feeling guilty and ashamed moments after I finish. Some symptoms of a food addiction are:

• Obsessed with thoughts about food
• Eats to relieve worry or stress
• Eats until they feel sick
• Overeats because the food is there
• Eats everything on the plate even when they feel full
• Feels guilty when they overeat
• Does not like the feeling of being hungry
• Sees food as something to be avoided or as harmful

When I look at this list I find myself reading through it relating to every bullet point. I think about food from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep at night. As soon as I eat breakfast I am thinking about what I am going to have for lunch and as soon as I eat lunch I am planning my dinner. Last year I lost 28 lbs only to find that I have gained it all back! It is totally depressing. I feel like a loser! Why can I not conquer this? Some people tell me that I just don't want it bad enough or that I just need to have more will power. Research has shown that when you eat fatty, salty, sugary foods your brain releases Dopamine (the feel good chemical) the same as it does when you do drugs. As much as I want to stop, as much as I want to lose weight and be healthier my body craves and needs those bad foods. I find myself craving something and I have to get my "fix" or I can't do anything else. It is all I can think about.

I have decided to use this blog as my outlet. This will be the place I share with the world my triumphs as well as my failures. Overcoming a food addiction will not be an overnight thing. It is going to be a process. I know I am going to struggle. I know that it is going to be hard but a 22 year old should not have the problems that I have. Here's to the journey!